As ya'll know, I spend my fair share of time on airplanes. Based on my experience, there are plenty of flight attendants who have aspirations of life on the stage vs. life in the air.
When it comes to the singer/songwriter flight attendants, I can only say, "Don't quit your day job." At the very least please don't sing during your day job. I've heard in-flight vocals which actuallymade me wish the plane would crash. Just sayin'.
And then you have the comedians....
Regardless of whether these quips are actually funny, a "top ten" always puts a smile on my face. So here are just a few of the one-liners I've noted over the years:
1. "For those of you who haven't been in a car since 1957, here's how you use a seatbelt..."
2. "If you are traveling with a child or someone who acts like one, you may now board."
3. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure... stop screaming, grab the oxygen mask, and pull it over your face. If you are traveling with a small child, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one child, now would be a good time to pick a favorite."
4. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
5. "In the case of a crash landing, please stay in your seat, put your head down and kiss your butt goodbye."
6. During landing: "Clip clop. Clip clop. Clip clop. Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
7. "Once the captain has turned off the seatbelt sign you may depart using the exit nearest you, leaving all your emotional baggage behind."
8. "Please check the seat pocket in front of you and only leave those items you think we would like to have... wallets, ipods, leftover candy... all good."
9. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this airplane."
10. "Thank you for flying our airline. Now get the hell out."
Last year I had the privilege of meeting Peter Guber, box office genius and bestselling author ofTell to Win. Whenever I find myself wanting to hit the "delete" button on past musings about my life, I think of him. His advice reminds me that the best way to connect with people is through personal storytelling.
This is not one of the most emotional stories I have told here, but it illustrates the benefits of being goal-oriented at any age.
Some of you know my "three-quarter" sister, Angela. We're "three quarter" sisters because we have the same dad and different mothers but our mothers are sisters. Go ahead and read that again if you need to. I'll wait. Hello Jerry Springer! I know.
Ange was a great companion for creative pursuits. Make that co-conspirator. We didn't just write and draw and play and sing together the way most siblings might do. We almost always had an angle. Sometimes it was altruistic. Sometimes entrepreneurial. Sometimes just plain ol' ego; a deep desire to be on stage.
One day when I was maybe nine years old, Ange and I set out to accomplish our entire agenda in one full scale theatrical production.
The "stage" was a long walk-in closet in Angela's bedroom. The space wasn't that deep but the width scaled the room and it had bright green bi-fold doors on each side that functioned perfectly as "curtains."
We created a script which I remember as a slightly twisted version of Frosty the Snowman. Mind you, it was the middle of summer. (That's me with the bright pink scarf.)
To us, it also made perfect sense that if you're going to go through the trouble of creating a play, designing costumes and converting a closet into a theatre, you need to sell tickets. Of course.
This part of the memory is actually more fun when Angela's mom (my step-mom and aunt) tells the story. She clearly remembers the doorbell ringing and a line of people at the front door.
They told her simply, "We're here for the play."
Then after seeing the confused look on her face, they clarified, "We have tickets."
I don't remember how many people she actually let in the house, but I know from the pictures we had an audience. They enjoyed it and we enjoyed it. We made some money and got to be stahs. (That's "stars" for those of you not from the greater Boston area.)
Next time you find yourself sitting in a long, painful meeting or wearing a giant pink scarf in the middle of summer, ask "What are our goals here?"
I guarantee it will make the experience much more rewarding for everyone involved.
This blog is partly selfish since writing is both a great passion and a treasured sanctuary for me.
As a 40-something happily married mommy, perpetual student and business exec who has to "bring home the bacon" (so to speak, since I am a vegetarian), I also strive to help others and answer the question I get often which is,“How do you DO it all?”
Somewhere along the line I figured out that it’s less about theDOING that’s important; it’s about the BEING. True life balance is internal.
And yet, the “stuff” still has to get done.
It is my sincere pleasure to share my writing as well as what I know about doing it all and being truly happy in the process.
Wishing you great health, happiness and prosperity,