Sunday, May 23, 2010
If you get nothing else from my blog, my greatest wish is to share the perspective that true life balance is internal. That you must take care of yourself or else the balls in the great juggling act are sure to fall. And it won't be pretty.
Even on a good day, I fight the tendency to spend too much time in my own head. Lately, it's harder than usual; my head spinning with so many thoughts and memories. Constant flashes and gut reactions brought on by any number of little things throughout the day. Now I know why they call them "triggers." One photo or momento or word can make me feel like I was just shot in the gut by a Glock 31.
Even as I am writing this, a letter comes from the funeral home with print-outs of all the condolence messages written for my family on their website and a letter to Hospice about the donations being made to them in lieu of flowers. *sniff*
It can become very easy for me to go from one quick gut reaction to being completely lost in the pain. Utterly, completely swept away in sadness. My emotions kicking and screaming in an internal tempest of obsessive thought.
As an alternative... and so I can actually function, I'm working hard to to keep in mind something I learned from Eckhart Tolle.
I'm just not there yet.
However, I can actually choose not to get swept out to a sea of despair by an obsessive undertow (or as my dad used to call it when we were kids, the "undertoad").
Instead, I can acknowledge each thought/feeling, accept them as real and normal and then... move on. Rinse. Repeat as needed.
Easier said than done but this is where Eckhart Tolle's great wisdom comes in. Tolle advises “tipping your hat” to the emotion, as you would someone passing on the street. Say, “Hello feeling. I see you. Goodbye.” Look at it in the eye and then continue walking by without a backward glance.
Being a very visual person, another image which helps me is that I'm walking down the street and come upon a huge dark hole. I can choose to dive in or just "tip my hat" and walk around it.
Trust me when I tell you've I've spent a LOT of time in that stinkin' hole over the past couple of months.
I'm kinda ready to start walking around it (with said "tip of hat" of course vs. attempting to ignore.) I'll imagine that the hole gets smaller and smaller, slowly repaired by the helping hands of time.
In my heart, I know the street will never look the same. But I need to keep walking....
PHOTO CREDIT: Blog article about the painter, Bob Ross (though there is no specific credit given to this painting)