Monday, August 15, 2011

Comic Relief from the Sky

As ya'll know, I spend my fair share of time on airplanes.   Based on my experience, there are plenty of flight attendants who have aspirations of life on the stage vs. life in the air.

When it comes to the singer/songwriter flight attendants, I can only say, "Don't quit your day job."  At the very least please don't sing during your day job. I've heard in-flight vocals which actually made me wish the plane would crash.  Just sayin'.

And then you have the comedians.... 

Regardless of whether these quips are actually funny, a "top ten" always puts a smile on my face.   So here are just a few of the one-liners I've noted over the years:

1. "For those of you who haven't been in a car since 1957, here's how you use a seatbelt..."

2. "If you are traveling with a child or someone who acts like one, you may now board."

3. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure... stop screaming, grab the oxygen mask, and pull it over your face. If you are traveling with a small child, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one child, now would be a good time to pick a favorite."

4. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing and if you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."

5. "In the case of a crash landing, please stay in your seat, put your head down and kiss your butt goodbye."

6.  During landing: "Clip clop. Clip clop. Clip clop. Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

7. "Once the captain has turned off the seatbelt sign you may depart using the exit nearest you, leaving all your emotional baggage behind."

8. "Please check the seat pocket in front of you and only leave those items you think we would like to have... wallets, ipods, leftover candy... all good."

9. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only four ways out of this airplane."

10.  "Thank you for flying our airline. Now get the hell out."
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13 comments:

Caroline Bender said...

I recognize some of these from Southwest -- or as I call it, Chuckle Airlines

The Invisible Seductress said...

Now I want to take a flight. The only plane I was on was going to Russia. Nobody joked, but we did all drink Vodka..Hmmmm

Jennifer said...

Those are all really awesome. I've flown a lot, but it has been awhile so I can't remember any of the really good ones.

Sarah said...

That must be a Southwest pilot. He was so funny he almost made the flight pleasant!

Cheryl D. said...

Southwest can be pretty funny. Most of these I haven't heard though, but wish I had! I really like when they try to be funny. Flying can be a real drag and a little levity goes a long way!

fojoy said...

Those are awesome. I seem to only get saddled with the grumpy attendants who hate their job, and me by extension...

http://robyn-fojoy.blogspot.com/

sweetjeanette said...

I love it! You really had me LOL'ing! I've always wanted to fly TED b/c hubby told me how fun they were but haven't had the opportunity yet. I've never had a "fun" flight, or even funny... sigh

webb said...

You fly a much higher class airline than I do - never this much fun!

Annie @ astonesthrowfrominsanity said...

Ha! Love these. Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!!

Cheryl D. said...

You've been given a Beautiful Blogger award! Check out my site!

Queenie Jeannie said...

Biggest laugh I've had all week - BRAVO!!!! Totally loved this post!

Caffeinated OC Mommy said...

You brought me back to Memory Lane Charlene Darling! Being a flight attendant I always enjoyed making up stuff on the PA to see if anyone was listening, though it's been years since this job, I now use these tactics on my children... lol Cups Up my Dear! xoxo

A Little Girl said...

These are awesome. Too bad I hate flying. Trains FTW!

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