Parentless

Thank you so much for the incredibly warm response to my recent post about my dear old' dad.  He sure was "a good egg."  Ah, another common daddy-ism, typically said in the context of, "I don't care what anyone says about you,  I think you're a good egg."

It's a strange thing to lose a parent.    Stranger still to lose both.   

Parentless.
This is my new "status" upon the passing of my mother last week.

Once again I am reminded of the tesseract.  One minute you have parents.  The next, you don't.  Everything that connects you to your biological beginnings is suddenly lost somewhere under an uncomfortable wrinkle in the universe.   Surreal.

I may have already shared that my parents divorced when I was two years old.   It's hard to comprehend that they had been married for eleven years.  I struggle to think of anything they had in common.

Often divorced parents are all about unified fronts, shared parenting styles, and consistency.  "We need to do this for the children," and all that. 

In my case... um, not so much.   Don't get me wrong.  It was pretty amiable, despite the fact that dad's second wife was nearly two decades younger.  Oh, and she was my mother's sister.  

The divorce magnified the differences between mom and dad to create two completely different worlds.  I'll have to write more about it all someday.  Naturally I'll also need to decide who will play the "young me" in the movie version.  It will definitely be a comedy. 

If there was any one thing that was equally safe, even sacred in both worlds, it was education and books. 

Daddy used to emphasize the process: learning how to learn, exploring, and leveraging wisdom.

From my mother I gleaned a bright, almost mischievous passion for words.  Upon discovering that I had circled every word "the" in her gilded Great Books of the Western World, she simply told me to try "and" next.   Then, she sent me on a wild goose chase through the fifty or so books to find the word "erroneous."  I was four years old.

By age seven, I had written my first illustrated storybook, The Sad Flower.  (Oy vey, a child psychologist could have had a field day with that one.) 

Though we didn't have great resources like The Writing Faculty back then, my passion for reading and writing was the one thing which was nurtured equally by my mother as well as my father.  The united front.

Yet, I have to thank my mom for the unique emotional connection.  I write because I love it.  She gave me that. 

I will picture her up above with a giant, glorious collection of books surrounding her.  Or more likely, she is charming Tolkien, Thoreau, and Gibran themselves in a room filled with smoke and laughter and words.

Peace,

Life is Like a Box of Diamonds

My Personal Strategic Management methodology is based on relating 25 years of professional success to a perspective and process that brings personal success.  Sometimes it's vice versa.   As a central theme, it's the ability to have true life balance regardless of what is happening at any one moment in time.

As my regular readers know -- when I say "life balance," I am not talking about "work/life" balance.

For me, there's no seesaw with work on one side and life on the other.  In the past I have said that it is more like a great juggling act.   Being centered and healthy at the core (mentally, physically, spiritually, etc) is what enables us to handle all those crazy balls.  And... not freak out when one of them turns into a monster head and tries to eat our face.  Hey, stuff happens.

All that said, I was just reflecting on my days as a jewelry store sales manager, and had an epiphany.  

While I still think the whole juggling analogy is true, I just got this thought that maybe our lives are like diamonds. Something precious with lots of facets and angles.   Simple, yet complex.  Sometimes radiant, sometimes dull.  


So much of how we see the beauty is about perspective and our ability to shine light in just the right way, even when we don't see the luster.

Today, I hope you will see your own life as a precious diamond.   Let your authentic self radiate from the inside out.   Believe in the beauty that is you.  Flaws and all.

When things aren't as "shiny" as you would like them to be, see if you can shift your perspective to find the light.

Carpe diem,




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10 Things I Learned From My Dad

In memory of my Dear Ol' Dad who would have been 82 years old today.  I wrote this in 2009 and read it at his memorial service just about a year later...

I had started writing a completely different post when my son came up to me and said, "Mommy - I think you're a Super Hero. I like you!"

How do you not stop whatever you're doing and just soak THAT in for a while?

Of course there are several ways to interpret a statement like this coming from a four-year old. If you are the parent of (or have ever been around) young boys, you know that almost anything can be emphasized with what we call in my house, "potty talk."

The fact that my son didn't further clarify his compliment to me with something like, "Super Mommy Stinky Butt" is very encouraging.

That said, the happy incident reminded me of a conference I attended back in my early career days. I was at one of those outdoor "networking" luncheons. We were sitting at round convention tables, trying not to feel like we were on a first date with eight other people.

Everyone at these things wears name tags stuffed in little pouches which are hanging from logo'ed lanyards. You've seen them -- the first name on the tag is really big but all of the other information (title, company, location) is just small enough to make trying to read it really awkward. Like, "I'm really not checking out your cleavage; I'm just trying to see if you're important enough for me to spend my valuable time talking to you."

Anyway, an executive from a large IT company decided to get the lunch conversation started by asking everyone to go around and describe their "hero" to the rest of the table.

Right then I knew my position in the world had been elevated. Most of my previous ice-breaker experiences involved describing my favorite vegetable. But now we were getting "deep."

When it was my turn, I told everyone that my hero was my Dad. Typing it now I guess it seems like a corny response. The kind of thing a Miss America pageant contestant would say if she had no intellectual or historical frame of reference to come up with a "real" hero (as the rest of my table did.)

But at the time, people seemed genuinely surprised. The IT executive said, "Wow - I'd say your dad is a pretty successful guy....for his daughter to say that. I sure hope my kid says that someday."

So when my son called me a "hero" last night -- despite the fact that he's four and goodness only knows what he really meant -- it made me think of that luncheon and my dear ol' Dad.

As I tried to fall asleep, I kept thinking of the various lessons I learned from the man who is still my "hero." (See photo insert.)

Here are the first ten things which came to mind. I'm keeping them concise on purpose so I don't spoil the chance to provide embellishment in future blog posts.

1. You can't burn a candle from both ends... at least not for very long.

2. If you're forcing something too hard, you're doing it wrong.

3. In a bag of potato chips, the burnt ones may be the ugliest but they taste the best.

4. Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty but the pig likes it.

5. If you want to get more done in the day, wake up earlier.

6. If you really want something, it might be worth going to 15 different places to look for it.

7. Good education is about learning how to learn.

8. You don't have to like everyone and not everyone has to like you.

9. People in love think they're invisible.

10. When you're thinking about someone, let them know -- it will make their day.

THANKS DADDY!

10 Travel Tips from a Frequent Flyer

Encore Post: March 2010
You know you're a frequent flyer when you buy personal care items based solely on whether they come in containers of 3oz or less.

That would be me.  I have just come to the realization that the contents of my bathroom cabinet are now better suited for the seven dwarves than Snow White. 

Earlier this week I was in CT.  Today I am in CA.  Next week I will be in MA, RI and PA.   I try to keep the trips quick so as not to miss the kids; in and out in one day if I can manage it. Still, it's a lot of time packing, waiting in security lines and sitting on airplanes.  

On my six hour flight from BOS to SFO, I thought I'd pull together some fun travel tips and tricks for y'all.  This is a list of things not covered in the recent George Clooney movie, "Up in the Air." 

I'm already jet lagged, so this should be interesting.   Drum roll please:

1. DO use SpaceBags.  You can buy cheap imitations as long as they don't require you to pack a vacuum or a really big straw.  For those of you who don't watch TV and have never been in a WalMart, SpaceBags are basically giant ziplock bags with an "out" valve.  Stick your clothes in there and roll to get out the air.  Instantly maximized space.  No, it doesn't wrinkle your clothes.  At least, not any more than everything getting jumbled at one corner of your suitcase in a big ball under your trainers.  Pack an empty one for dirty clothes.

2. DO print your boarding pass at home by logging into the airline website 24 hours before your flight.  Some airlines such as Southwest prioritize boarding time based on when you check-in.   Online check-in also allows you to see in advance that you are in the last seat next to the lavatory and make a change before its too late.  Many airlines will also offer cheap last minute upgrades to higher class seating sections.

3. DO give yourself plenty of time to get to the airport.  Most frequent flyers do the opposite, so here's where I may differ from those cocky bastards experienced travellers.  Worst case, you get to the airport early. Hang out, browse trashy magazines and drink a $5 cup of coffee.  Isn't it worth it not to be stressed?  If you are traveling with kids, this is especially important.  When Mommy & Daddy are all cranky because they didn't plan properly, it freaks out the kids and then the rest of us also have to deal with the screaming brats poor darlings.

4. DON'T try to beat security.  On this particular trip, I stood behind a woman for several minutes while she desperately tried to convince a security agent that her Lancome sunscreen was far too special to be subjected to the usual 3oz rule.  She was unsuccessful.  You will be too.   Just for fun, take a look in the trash barrel next to the security belts.  You could stock a Walgreens with the contents of those bins.

5. DO make sure that any liquids or gels you may need during the flight are handy once you are through security.  The first thing I do when I get to my gate is grab my moisturizer, hand sanitizer and lip balm out of my quart-size plastic baggie and put them in my purse for easy access on the plane.  I hate to be dry.  Airplane air is sooooo dry. (Yell it with me:  How.. dry.. is.. it?)   I once bought a hamburger in San Antonio and it was beef jerky by the time I got to Chicago.  (*badum-pha*)

6. DON'T apply perfume or cologne on the airplane.  Don't even put it on before you get on the plane.  It's not a date.  The last flight I was on smelled like a brothel.  Thank you lady wearing gold lamé and too much Jean Nate.  Now that I think of it, any Jean Nate is too much.

7. DO apply hand sanitizer to all buttons on your arm rest, your seat belt bucket and the tray table latch.   Oh.  Am I the only one that does that?   Ew.  OCD going into maximum overdrive!

8. DON'T underestimate the need for entertainment.  Personally, I like to have a mix of low-tech options and high-tech gadgetry.  My iPod and the latest issue of Popular Mechanics for example.  I also always bring a notepad and pen.  In theory, that's so that I can jot down ideas for my blog or notes for work.  It also came in real handy for the kid next to me who got sick of playing with barf bags, sugar packets and plastic cups after about 10 minutes.  (Usually I also have a snack-size baggie of crayons handy.)

If you are traveling with kids or you have ADD, you may want to pick an airline that has seatback in-flight television.  Here in the States, Virgin America is my fave with JetBlue a close second.   As a side note, my last flight on American offered in-flight Wi-Fi.  Nice.

9. DO medicate.   The need for this becomes more crucial if you and/or the parent next to you failed at #8.   It's amazing how even complete swill like Sutter Home becomes ambrosia of the gods under the right circumstances.   If you don't drink, you can meditate instead.  (And, maybe invest in some noise-cancelling headphones.)

10. DON'T forget snacks.  The best strategy is to bring snacks from home; no drinks of course.  At the very least, stop by the little stand near your gate and get some trail mix or something.  There's nothing worse than being stuck on a flight for hours with only one tiny bag o' snack for sustenance.  I speak from experience.  I am on hour four and my Blue Terra Chips are long gone.  I feel like a contestant on Survivor.   I'm expecting the flight attendant to start handing out flint and bags of rice any minute.

Your turn:  Got any travel trips to share?

Happy Trails!
Charlene

Don't Look Back Now, It's a New Year

January 1st found me and my dear hubby (aka "Big D") thoroughly disgusted with ourselves.   The reverie of the holidays, as enjoyable as they were, left our bodies bloated and sluggish.   It was time to take off our feedbags and amp up the exercise.  Happy flippin' New Year.

January 2nd, Big D and I took on P90 Circuit with a vengeance.

January 3rd, Big D worked late and I did P90 Sculpt alone.

January 4th, I asked Big D if he wanted to work out but he was too exhausted.  I caved and decided "comfy, cozy" was a good option for me too.

By the end of the first week, I had only worked out a couple of times and Big D. not at all since that first day.  Yet, we weren't eating cannoli for breakfast or making declarations like, "Well, it's 5 o'clock somewhere!"

Lulled into a false sense of security, we were on the fast track to complacency. 

Fifty percent of people who join gyms in January quit within six months.  I would love to know how many of those people really only go for the first month, then take two more months to admit to themselves they aren't going back, and then another three to actually go into the club, face their shame, and cancel their membership. It's no mystery why almost no club will allow you to cancel over the phone.
 
Here's the realization that kicked me back into gear: motivation based on shame isn't sustainable.

If you were ever in a position where it was always about catching up on what you didn't get done (or did wrong) yesterday, or last quarter or last year, then you know what I am talking about. 

Similarly, trying to just "undo" the gluttony of the holidays isn't enough to keep the fire lit under our jiggly butts. 

Sustainable motivation is based on outcomes. 

Note I didn't say "goals."  Goals are about setting targets.  Outcomes are about reaching them.

Focusing on the abundant feelings of energy, accomplishment and fabulosity I know I will have after I get back into my healthy, fit groove -- THAT is what gets my arse out of my comfy cozy.

If you find yourself wavering on your own New Year's resolutions, think about what's motivating you.  If it's "so last year," adjust accordingly.   Focus on what you want to be, do, or have in the future, not what haunts you from the past.  Focus on outcomes.

Here's wishing you a happy, healthy, prosperous 2012!





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